i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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