i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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