Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My dick has a subreddit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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