I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize