no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
