she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
