I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she looked like the before picture.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
