Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
