I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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