Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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