never play flip cup with pint glasses
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I die, sorry about rent.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
