I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
