I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
