I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
