who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
