Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
