I feel great
I just peed on a car
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he's gonorrhea incarnate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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