so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
