Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
