Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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