Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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