**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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