I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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