I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
