He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
