Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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