So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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