i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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