Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
