his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
