do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
