How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
