I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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