Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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