Got a toothbrush?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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