You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
