You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
