Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
3 2 1 whiskey
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
