This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We left the knife in your bed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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