PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
