I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
