I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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