I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
