matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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