what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
