so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
