i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
