I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
