Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
