Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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